By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
