you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize