so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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