i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
