need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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