I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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