guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just googled if crying burns calories
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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