We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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