you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
