The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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