Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
