Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize