Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
pray to the hookup gods
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
