Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize