If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
