My underwear smells like fireworks.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Two words: nipple clamps
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