I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
