Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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