i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she pinky promised me she was 18
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
