ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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