4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
