Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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