at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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