doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
