At least make sure they are 18
Why
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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