every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
