I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
