you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
