If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
