If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
