i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
