I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
