I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
