i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
