Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
