new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
