Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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