Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
