There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
