found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I need moral support for this bender
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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