my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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