if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I AM VODKA MAN
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
