I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
