He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i came on her dog
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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