kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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