i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
