I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
