I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
