come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
