glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
