Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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