I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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