That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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