Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
