You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
