Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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