chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Well I just put wine in my tea
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
