I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
