Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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