That's intense
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
