2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I am one with the molecules
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
