I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize