just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
