They should really pass out barf bags in church
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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