half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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