i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
