She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
