I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
