Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
