He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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