I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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