Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
