he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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