Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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