I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
