I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
