she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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