The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize