I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
