At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
