Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
