He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just google imaged poop.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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